Doing & Feeling

REFLECTION:
In his book Live No Lies, John Marc Comer (shameless plug) says, “knowing something is not the same as doing something”. He’s right. We have an often invisible to us, built-in assumption that if we know something, then there is nothing further we need to do with it.

This may be why…

• When someone gives us advice, we stop (really) considering once we realize we’ve heard it or thought about it before.
• We compliment a sermon, book, or podcast based mostly on the amount of new information it has.
• We leave church, quiet time, or Bible study thinking more about what the words meant instead of how it should change our week (this week, right now).

This challenges us to ask the question, over and over again: Lord, what do you want us to do with everything we just heard? How can we be “followers” of Christ and not just “believers” (Even now, are you thinking “Yes, I agree or don’t agree with this?” or are you considering “What should I do with it?”)

The thing is, what we intellectually agree with is not what shapes our lives at the deepest level. My counselor often says, “values, are who you are, lived out”. In Biblical terms, we often say our “heart” is what defines and directs us.

For me, one of the biggest disconnects between knowing and doing really looks more like a struggle between knowing and feeling or even not doing, because I am constantly carrying the burden of striving, the weight of anxious perfectionism, and the whispers of “try harder, you’re not enough”.

I’m not talking about earning salvation. I’m talking about striving to feel I have a valuable place in the kingdom. Working to ward off that undercurrent of suspicion that one day Jesus will have a permanent look of disappointment on his face. That subtle feeling that my actions somehow strengthen God’s love for me. The relentless betterment that leads to security and safety.

Friends, I know in my head God loves me. I know objectively that he has saved me by his grace. I rejoice and sing praise for his mercy. But, in my doing… I strive. The truth is, my life most often looks like earning and working - not freedom in grace. I let grace define the moment I first chose to follow Christ but somehow lost that comfort in the present. Truth is, I have a hard time feeling loved.

How about you? What is the look on God’s face when you think about him? Are his arms already open and waiting, no matter what you just did, thought, or didn’t do?
It’s been a slow process, but I’m learning that Jesus yearns for, desires, delights in, and loves me in a way that will never change. Yes, he loved me in my mess then, but he still and always will love me in my mess now.

Here are three things that have helped:

1. Learning Who God Is
In God Has a Name by John Marc Comer and Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund, both authors point out that Exodus 34:6-7 is a climactic moment in the Bible where Yahweh most clearly tells us what he is like, and the VERY FIRST THING God describes himself as is: compassionate, gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness. And the ONLY two words Jesus uses to describe his own heart are in Matthew 11:29, and they are: gentle and lowly.

This is who Yahweh and Jesus are. Not just what they’ve done but their “heart”. Their innate,
unchanging character. Their delight and highest priority towards me is mercy, gentleness, and love – and that’s not dependent on me, ever.

2. Let Others Love Me
This is scary. It’s easier for me to help and give, than to receive in return. It’s easier to care for and tell others I see them, than allow someone to see me, accept me, forgive me, and love me. Much easier. A person’s love is so small compared to God’s love, but learning to let yourself be loved, takes time, and it’s a start.

3. Pray and Ask the Holy Spirit for Help with #1 and #2
In 1 Corinthians 2:10, Paul tells us that the Spirit helps us understand who God is. Ask the Spirit to help you experience more of who God is. Ask to help feel that love, let it sink in deep down where our inner “values” fight against it. Pray Ephesians 3, especially the part where we ask “to know the love of Chrit that surpasses knowledge”. And lastly, ask the Spirit to help give you the courage to be loved, both by others and by God.


SCRIPTURE:
“The LORD, the LORD, [YAHWEH, YAHWEH]  the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,
I am gentle and lowly in heart
- Matthew 11:28 ESV

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.  
- 1 Corinthians 2:10

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
- Ephesians 3:17-19

PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, thank you for who you are and that you want to be known. You are holy, sovereign, majestic and powerful, but you are also compassionate, merciful, loving and gentle.
Thank you, that you never change. Forgive us when we don’t take the time to consider how we can better follow you. Help us to ask not only what you want us to know but also what you want us to do, each day. And while we do help us to be filled, surrounded, embraced and protected by your love, compassion, and faithfulness.

Forgive us when we believe it’s our actions that earn or even maintain your love. Forgive us that we often have an incomplete view of your heart. Thank you for your scripture and the light of our brothers and sisters that remind us and show us who you are. Give us the courage let others love us and prepare our hearts to accept, feel and depend on your love.

Amen.