Making Goals as a Family (Even When Spaghetti Is Involved)

Last week our family set our goals for 2026.  Let me tell you how it all went down:

We gathered our family around the fireplace. The kids sat quietly, hands folded, eyes attentive. They listened with joyful obedience as we talked about goals. One of them even shared their goal: “I just want to listen better.”

Amanda and I looked at each other, misty eyed.

“How could you?” I said. “You’re already perfect.”

Then we sang hymns together and an angel appeared out of nowhere

"We've been watching you all from heaven," he said, "and we're so impressed."

Then he  gave us all high fives.

Okay. That is not what happened...like, at all. We don't even have a fireplace. 

Here's what actually happened:

We were eating spaghetti.

At least half of it ended up on the table. There might still be a couple noodles on the floor.

One of the kids was distracted. Another one definitely was not listening.

And at some point we realized that while our intentions were good, our timing, energy levels, and attention spans were not aligned at all.

But here is the thing. We still did it. And that matters more than we often realize.

In this post, I want to share a few simple encouragements from our own home about making New Year's goals as a family, even when things feel imperfect, loud, or unfinished.

Showing Up Still Matters
Family discipleship rarely looks like a highlight reel. It usually feels chaotic, unfinished, and a little messy. More of often than not, you away thinking, “I don't think they got it,” or “That was a waste of time.” But showing up matters.

Gathering your kids, even briefly, to talk about goals, faith, or growth is never wasted. Even when it feels messy.
 
Keep Goals Simple and Clear
When we talked about goals, we kept them simple. Kids do not need complex ideas or long lists. They need clarity. Simple goals help kids understand what growth actually looks like and give them confidence that change is possible.

Here are a couple simple goals you might use as a starting point:

• Listening the first time they are asked
• Practicing patience when things do not go their way
• Speaking kindly to siblings and friends
• Taking responsibility for one daily task without being reminded

Make Goals Measurable
One of our kids, I won't say which one, said their goal was to be more patient. That is a great goal. But patience can be hard to measure. So I asked a follow up question. How will we know you are being more patient? That question helped turn a good idea into something concrete. Maybe patience looks like waiting without yelling or responding calmly when things do not go their way. The goal did not change, but now we had a way to recognize growth.

Goals Are About Formation, Not Rewards
When we talk about goals as a family, it is important to remember that they are not about earning rewards or collecting prizes. The goal is not to say, “Every time you do something kind, you get a treat,” or “If you behave well, you earn a toy.” Goals are about formation. They are about shaping hearts, habits, and character over time.

As parents, we are not just trying to manage behavior. We are seeking to form our kids, and ourselves, into people who reflect the character of Christ.

Set Individual and Family Goals
Another thing we found helpful was setting a few individual goals and then one or two family goals. Individual goals help kids see that growth is personal. Family goals remind them that we are in this together. A family goal might be something like praying together, memorizing a bible verse (or even chapter!) together, or serving as a family in church or in the community. It does not have to be big. It just has to be shared. There is something powerful about working toward the same thing.

Trust God with the Results
At the end of the day, only God can make these things happen. Goals are helpful, but real growth, especially heart change, comes from the Lord. Our role as parents is not to produce perfect outcomes. It is to faithfully point our kids to Jesus and trust Him with the results.

As Proverbs 16:7 reminds us, "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."

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Corners Chapel, as a new year begins, and we aim our families toward pleasing the Lord (not perfection!) we can trust Him to work in ways we cannot manufacture.

Even in the chaos, even in the noise, even in the distraction, even when half the spaghetti ends up on the table, HE is faithful.